The Goodies Epsiode Guide

The first ever episode finds our boys in the surroundings of a new office. Thanks to Tim’s Auntie leaving him a lot of money, Graeme has designed a futuristic place for their business, however it’s not clear what business they’re actually in. Bill has advertised that they do “Anything Anytime” causing Graeme to comment “that’s a bit vague isn’t it?”, however they soon get their first job: they are to report to the Tower of London. Someone is stealing the Beefeaters beef but is this concealing a more sinister crime?

The Goodies are asked to market a bedtime drink called ‘Venom’, of course the first thing they do is change the name to ‘Snooze’ (although ‘Sleepy Bo Bo’s’ is considered!). The sales do well but Graeme decides to up the potency – trouble is it works far too well! Graeme works on an antidote but will this cause just as much trouble?

The Police want the Goodies to change their poor public image but this turns out to be a very difficult task until they decide to become cops themselves. They act friendly and nice to everyone (even feeding money into parking meters!) but this attitude really upsets the Police. How will they get out of being given a 5-year jail term…?

The Goodies are asked to recover some potentially scandalous photos for a government Minister. This means infiltrating The Playgirl Club, a women’s only club. Tim is coerced into disguising himself as a woman to gain entrance but when he hasn’t returned after 3 weeks, Graeme and Bill have to go in disguise as ‘Wolves’, the equivalent of bunny girls!

The Goodies want to go on holiday but so many places are being turned into military establishments or nuclear power plants that the only place they find they can go to is a small seaside resort in Cornwall. Once there though they find the place deserted apart from a loony old vicar who tells them that all the villagers have left due to strange goings on in the village, who or what could be behind these events…?

Desperate for work, the guys take on an unwelcome task of looking after young girl, Cecily for her uncle and aunt. The job requires a female nanny – cue Tim in drag again! Graeme becomes the gardener and Bill the cook, however Cecily reveals a sinister plot is afoot and of course they vow to protect her, but who will protect them?

After being turned down for a licence to broadcast, The Goodies decide to open a pirate radio station located outside the 5-mile limit, they also combine it with a pirate Post Office. Graeme designs the perfect craft, The Good ship Saucy Gibbon and they set to work (although with only 1 record to play: A Walk In The Black Forest!). However Graeme’s plans work so well that he gets carried away with megalomaniac tendencies, starts dressing (very sexily!) in an SS style black uniform and tries to tow the whole of Great Britain outside the 5-mile limit!

Saving a zookeeper from suicide, the Goodies go to Scotland to capture the Loch Ness Monster for the zookeeper’s new monster house, but encounter an unusual Scotsman who intends to make a fortune by conning the visiting Englishmen.

The Goodies are asked to represent the British Commonwealth team at the next games, held at the only commonwealth country left, the August Bank Holiday Islands. With the commonwealth itself at stake, the Goodies must be at their peak, but find this difficult when at the peak of a gigantic mountain.

The pollution problem has reached crisis point and so the Goodies decide to unravel the conspiracy, only to discover it is all the government’s doing. Fighting back, they attempt to bring back a bit of colour to Britain - just so long as that colour is green.

The Goodies are recruited by Hazel to find her father who disappeared twenty years ago. Using his remaining notes, the Goodies set out on an epic endeavour to discover just what happened to Hazel’s father.

When Britain’s most popular musicians begin disappearing, the Goodies become musicians themselves in the hope they’ll get kidnapped and discover the baddy. The plan proves successful and they find the perpetrator, but how are they going to escape?

The National Gallery is under threat from closure and Americans begin to buy all the paintings. The Goodies retaliate by taking matte-s (geddit?) into their own hands and transform the Gallery into something more fun and fair for all. Need anymore clues?

The only Goodies episode to have suffered at the hands of the wipe-happy BBC, but was somewhat fortunately reworked for a special Montreux special. See below for more.

Ballroom enthusiast Tim encourages Bill and Graeme to form a dancing team, but the Goodies soon get entangled in a bitter dispute between two gangster rivals, resulting in a dance-off at dawn.

Fed up with processed food in the shops and restaurants, the Goodies decide to visit Tim’s Uncle Tom to enjoy some fresh farm food. When they offer their services on the farm, they are horrified to discover the processes involved, leading the Goodies to sabotage the restaurant which uses the farm food.

Bill is disgusted with Tim and Graeme’s sexist ways and decides to teach them a lesson by calling Women’s Lib member Barbara, who sends Tim and Graeme to the torturous hands of her father. Tim learns his/her lesson and wants to find Mr Right, Bill falls in love with Barbara, and Graeme finds true love in something a little less human...

Mrs Desiree Carthouse employs the Goodies to make a clean film about making babies (by doing dirty things) but, upon failing their task, Bill rebels to make the most violent films imaginable. However, can Tim and Graeme stop Bill’s grand finale of blowing up the entire BBC? (Let’s hope not).

While doing good deeds for charity, the Goodies are sponsored to promote Sparkly Pegs toothpaste, but when the company try to make the Goodies’ task as difficult as possible with the use of spacehoppers, they are horrified to learn the Goodies are spacehopper enthusiasts. Can the Goodies be stopped before their clocked up miles put the toothpaste business into bankruptcy?

The Goodies are trying to find Britain’s nicest person but ironically encounter the nastiest, Dr Petal, who wants to win the nicest person award by doing bad. He creates baddies of all the contestants, including the Goodies themselves, who rumble his plan and land themselves in trouble because of it. Can they escape from their evil clones and stop Dr Petal from taking the nicest person crown?

The Goodies establish an animal clinic and take a shine to Twinkle, the kitten who is in desperate need of a growth spurt. Graeme creates the mixture but the kitten becomes enormous and is let out at night - wreaking havoc across the city. Can the Goodies save the day before the whole of London is destroyed?

An episode-length selection of several visual sketches filmed for Engelbert and the Young Generation show, in which the Goodies made many filmed contributions. The selected sketches are linked together with studio sections (written by Tim) where Tim is filling in tax evasion forms. The sketches included are the gymnasium (now released on the second Goodies DVD); a street football game; Pan’s Grannies; The Goodies Baby Service; and The Goodies at the West End.

When building work on the office seems never-ending, the Goodies take matters into their own hands and buy a disused railway station in tranquil surroundings. However, the place may not be as peaceful as they first thought...

Tim (and tagalongs Graeme and Bill) meet Tim’s rich and elderly uncle, who soon pops his clogs and leaves his estate to his uncannily identical-looking nephew. Tim soon becomes as obsessed with hunting as his late uncle, leaving lackeys Graeme and Bill to get him back to how he was.

The Goodies are hired as Britain’s representatives for the Olympics and train in the homeland - but once in the North Pole the snow and ice is too slippery, leaving only one alternative, to get the trandem airborne and attach a sun ray lamp to an oversized butterfly. It’s so obvious.

A witch calls upon the Goodies for her sinister deeds, and unwittingly discovers that Graeme has ‘the power’. When Graeme sets up his own cult, Tim and Bill sneak in dressed as virgins to gain entry (no comment), but Graeme becomes possessed by a gibbon - with only virgins Tim and Bill to stop him.

The Goodies set out on an epic expedition to find the elusive island of Munga, which they eventually find and claim for Britain. The island, however, has already been claimed by an evil businessman with wicked intentions, and tries to dispose of the Goodies. Uh-oh.

In an attempt to go on an adventure course offering money, but only if they’re disguised as schoolchildren, the Goodies embark on what they hope is a fun course. While training, they discover the centre is attempting to create an army of babies which the Goodies must stop, but not without a fight.

The charts are increasingly becoming filled with filthy songs, so the Goodies try to reintroduce good, clean songs to pop music. They’re instantly rejected, but Bill is spotted as having rock star potential and soon makes the big time, with only Tim and Graeme to bring him back from his superstar lifestyle.

Tim’s uncle asks the Goodies to look after his castle while the family take a holiday, but as soon as they leave the Goodies are pestered to sell the castle to the council. Refusing to do so, the castle is taken by force, leaving the Goodies to fight back, Medieval style.

After Graeme loses his bunnies en route to the moon, he sends Tim and Bill on a mission to find out what happened. Crash landing on the moon, Tim and Bill are kidnapped by the rabbits and brainwashed into becoming their representatives on earth. Only Graeme can stop Tim and Bill’s rabbit invasion from creating catastrophe.

With the NHS in tatters (nothing changes), the Goodies become doctors and create an all-curing elixir. Their potion is not favoured amongst the NHS, forcing the Goodies underground to cure their patients.

When the impoverished Goodies are forced to sell their trandem for a tin of baked beans, in one last desperate attempt of fortune Graeme plants a bean, which grows to the very top of Mount Everest. The Goodies then enter the ‘It’s A Knockout’ Everest special, climbing the beanstalk to find a not so big and not so friendly giant, who unleashes his army of feathered friends when the Goodies try to escape.

Graeme falls through the office floor and discovers a prehistoric dwelling. When Tim and Bill come to rescue him they all become trapped inside a dinosaur’s stomach, which might not be quite as dead as they first thought…

Helping the police by stealing money from a bank, the Goodies are soon caught and imprisoned for their gangster ways. The Goodies eventually break out of prison, but can they outwit the police again?

After inadvertently winning the Tour De France while on a cycling holiday in France, the Goodies decide to enter for a motor race, with Graeme building a car and teaching Tim to drive. When the car is sabotaged by competitor Baron O’Beef, Graeme converts the mobile office into a car, but can Tim keep cool under pressure?

When the British film industry is for sale the Goodies decide to buy it and, after sacking the directors for making films that are too pretentious, the Goodies decide to make a film together. Falling out with one another, they decide to make their own films, but can they work happily amongst each other?

The Goodies are hired by the Americans to dump some suspicious chemicals but after failing to do so they sell it to roadside cafes. This causes havoc across Britain, and it’s certainly no laughing matter…

Hooked on Radio 2, Tim loses weight and makes a drastic change. While Graeme takes control of all of BBC radio’s output, Tim enters for the Housewife competition, but his victory is not a popular decision with the other contestants.

The Goodies take a holiday to Wales but find themselves staying with a terrifying Reverend, who tries to have them executed for their sins. Escaping from certain death, a rugby battle of religion ensues.

Graeme’s dog breeding centre creates a bizarre array of new species, but when Tim’s pooch (a.k.a. Bill in a skin) begins winning, Graeme must take drastic measures to ensure victory. Will he be able to create a new species during a lightning storm? Surely it’s not possible?

The Goodies’ All Star Safari Park needs a new attraction and so the Goodies head to Australia to capture the elusive Rolf Harris. Returning to England, they breed the first Rolf Harris in captivity, but soon enough a plague of Rolf Harris’ is sweeping the nation. Can the Goodies intervene in time?

Bill reveals to Tim and Graeme that he is a Grand Master of the Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump, and soon enough the craze sweeps throughout Britain. When Bill’s powers of Ecky Thump lead him to start a revolution, it’s up to Tim and Graeme to stop him, using Bill’s very own secret weapon against him.

Taking on the job of looking after a lighthouse, the Goodies soon find themselves in bother when the bulb goes and a violent storm is brewing. They dig for fuel but accidentally light their entire supply, sending the lighthouse into orbit.

The Goodies are sent to ancient Rome to provide entertainment for the people but fail to do so. The city is soon attacked by The Vandals and the Goodies must escape.

Tim and Graeme sack a love sick Bill from the Goodies’ newspaper and hire Mildred, who happens to be Bill’s love interest. When Bill seeks Mildred’s father’s approval, he returns to Mildred but she’s not interested. Heart broken, Bill enters for the Raving Loony Contest, leaving Tim and Graeme with no choice but to also join in order to stop Bill from doing something silly.

Sent to South Africa to boost the country’s tourism, the Goodies arrive only to find a new form of segregation has been established - apart-height. This instantly makes Bill (and jockeys) second class citizens, and so he begins to fight back against the oppressive regime, including regular-sized Tim and Graeme.

The Goodies go west to Cornwall to prospect for gold, but stumble by a fortune of cream instead, which Graeme claims all for himself. Tim and Bill begin to leave, feeling dejected, but find a supply of strawberry jam and scones, which Graeme wants as well. However, Tim and Bill won’t let Graeme get hold of their supply without a fight.

Graeme’s urban landscape schemes result in the Goodies’ office being encased in concrete. With little hope of a rescue, the Goodies realise they will be incarcerated together for the rest of their lives. How will they cope?

The Goodies become the Pop Group Laureate and stand (well, bounce) for government, but the Dummy Party win and ban fun. The Goodies go underground to spread fun once again, which leads to a coup and a new government of puppets. When the puppets become similarly power-crazed, the Goodies must once again stop the government from tyranny.

As the Eskimos take all the British cod, the Goodies go to the Arctic to take a cod for Graeme’s fish farm. Graeme rears the cod and gets far too attached, but the huge cod is soon needed when the Eskimos are back. Discovering a way to make the cod cross, Graeme unleashes it on the unsuspecting Eskimos, but Tim and Bill find themselves in deep water too.

When Bill and Graeme’s folk group becomes popular on Tim’s vicious talent show, he regresses to the fifties and invites sixties hippies Graeme and Bill onto his new show - where he is now a producer of megalomaniac proportions. Causing havoc by directing the whole of World War 2 - Graeme and Bill must stop him before Tim causes the end of the world.

The latest offering of the Goodies’ adventure holiday firm is a trip on the Orient Express for a murder mystery - which is taken by several TV detectives several times over. However, when the sham trip turns into a real murder mystery, the Goodies must find the culprits, who aren’t quite all they appear…

When a horse is delivered to Graeme’s animal retirement home, Tim and Graeme vow to care for it (for the money of course). While Bill takes care of the neighbour’s farm, Black & White Beauty lands in his field and so he enters it for the Grand National, fixing the race so he’ll win. When Tim and Graeme try to steal the horse back, they find themselves in a tight spot (literally).

As the Goodies’ advertising firm goes from strength to strength, Tim wants to opt for honest marketing, which Graeme and Bill disapprove of. Tim ditches the firm until Bill and Graeme promise to advertise good, honest string. However, will they be able to stay honest and keep Tim happy for long?

In the 21st century, the Goodies Junior try to bring boredom back into the extreme and violent sports that now dominate. They choose the sport much loved by their dads, cricket, and try to track down the last living members of the MCC.

A series of musical performances featuring some of the Goodies’ most popular hits, with plenty of tasteless outfits and questionable choreography to boot. The set list comprises of: Please Let Us Play (all), Good Ole Country Music (Graeme), Cactus In My Y-Fronts (Tim), Poor Old Soul (pink tuxedos), The Funky Gibbon (all), Sick Man Blues (Tim and Bill), The Inbetweenies (all), Black Pudding Bertha (all), Nappy Love (Bill), Bounce (all), The Last Chance Dance (Bill), Wild Thing (all), The Goodies Theme (all).

Graeme, Bill and Tim each tell the story of their heritage and how one day they were all shipped away to work for the BBC. With only the dreaded, ‘Black & White Minstrel Show’ willing to take them on, it’s time for the Goodies to rebel.

When Graeme and Tim run amok with their endangered species hunting club, Bill begins to preserve the animals. Graeme gives him a gift for his scheme, the world’s last dodo. When it becomes too annoying (and incontinent) to live with, Bill and the dodo are kicked out, going into hiding while Tim and Graeme’s club try to hunt them down.

Bill and Graeme discover that Tim is a Scout leader and so decide to join his group. However, their obsession for badges becomes too much, forcing a ban on Scouts. Tim runs away to join the Salvation Army (as you do) while Graeme and Bill strive for their last badge, The World Domination badge…

The Goodies’ ‘nice’ band is banished in favour of the punk movement, and so Bill and Graeme decide to join the band wagon. Tim, however, is too pretty to be punk, until Graeme gives him a makeover. At the trend setter’s ball, Tim arrives for the ballroom dance, but rushes away at midnight, leaving his leg behind. Will the object of his affection ever be able to find him?

With yet another dull Royal Variety Show, Tim decides to spice up the royals on TV, but this lands them in tractions. With no royal family, the Goodies take their place (with Tim as the Queen, of course). Their success leads to a coronation, but the real royal family won’t let the Goodies get away with it so easily.

As everyone makes final preparations on Christmas Eve night, they soon learn their plans are a little more final than expected, as the world is due to be blown up at midnight. The Goodies are left to contemplate their lives and how to spend their final moments - just so long as it involves Tim and his bellybutton.

With Thatcher fleeing to the Bahamas, Tim and Bill go to Graeme’s advertising firm to create the next Prime Minister. Bill becomes Che while Tim drags up to extremes as Timita. With a tie in the votes, the two must do battle via the TV quiz shows to discover who should occupy Number 10.

With Tim getting kicked out of the discos, Graeme and Bill decide to take him out to show him how it’s done, but Tim gets locked up for illegal mixed dancing. Meanwhile Bill sets up the Disco Billius, a club so exclusive that no one can enter, resulting in bankruptcy. The only solution is a BBC dance off, with Tim coming out of prison to try and win the prize.

With Tim’s British Olympic fundraising schemes proving hopeless and Bill and Graeme’s casino literally taking the shirt off his back, he becomes an outlaw British athlete and sent to prison. Graeme and Bill gather the world’s top athletes for their own Olympic team, but when Tim changes the rules to better suit his British team, Graeme and Bill must take drastic measures to ensure victory.

When trombonists (and a baked bean addict) mysteriously disappear, Bill grows suspicious of alien activity. Tim meanwhile is opening his own restaurant, which becomes the target of the alien landing. The only way to stop this is with the aid of Super Nun - but has Graeme gone too far in his attempts to make contact with the UFOs?

Tim’s Beast Boutique is hijacked by Graeme and Bill, who use the animals to their cruel advantage. Tim fights for animal’s rights so that they become equal to people, but when Bill upsets the animals the Goodies and fellow wildlife presenters must flee in the guise of bunnies. Bright Eyes, anyone?

In War time England, the Goodies tots are sent to school where they are parachuted into Germany to fetch Chruchill’s favourite brand of cigar. Tim falls to pieces (literally) and so is rebuilt into a bionic Churchill, spurring on the troops with a spot of football for good measure.

The Goodies are discovered as too tall to be part of the seven dwarves and so are sent by the Fairy Godmother to a castle of Princesses, where they are doomed to work as their slaves. When they try to escape, a Star Wars-style battle commences. Naturally.

With the business in trouble, Tim and Graeme sack Bill. Graeme then “gives birth” to a rob-tot, which Tim and Graeme mother. When they realise they’re struggling to care for it they hire nanny Helga, who isn’t all she seems…

With Bill’s football hooliganism craze going out of control, Tim takes it upon himself to curb the violence. The suppression becomes too much and the hooligans turn to ballet, with the Cricklewood team taking part in, ‘The Big Match’.

Tim and Bill’s favourite TV presenter, Arthur C. Clarke, is revealed to not exist. Unconvinced, they set off to the Canadian Rockies to try and catch Clarke in the wild. Whilst also encountering many other mythical beings, they stumble across the infamous Big Foot, who is more of a Goody than you might think...

It’s Bill’s birthday but he’s depressed that he’s getting older, so Dr Grayboots and Mr Tim promise to help him. Failing to do so, they realise they’re past it and decide to shuffle off the mortal coil - until a job offer arrives in the nick of time. However, their robot accepts the offer, and so, to defend their legacy of the Goodies, they must take a test to prove they’ve still got it.

Constantly at each other’s throats, the Goodies decide the best way to ease tensions is to take a three week holiday to the seaside. However, with nothing to do and the appalling weather, the Goodies go mad once more. What can they do to entertain themselves?

When Tim transforms into dog trainer Barbara Woodhouse, he is given a pet dog Bill by the Graybags Pet Shop. Tim soon grows tired of Bill but fails at ditching him in the river, so he sets up his own society to prevent cruelty to people. Graeme has to go underground with his loony animal plans, but he can’t hide from Barbara Woodhouse forever...