Questions and Answers with Graeme and Tim: Part 1

Graeme: The early shows were almost all recorded at the Paris Theatre in London. It wasn’t until series 10 in 1983 that we started broadening our horizons, taking the recordings to student venues at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama, the Middlesex Hospital Medical School and Imperial College.

In 1990 (series 17) we recorded a couple of shows at the Westminster Theatre in London, then in 1991 (series 18) we played the Brighton Comedy Festival. Series 20 and 21 in 1992 saw us playing Brighton again and Oxford, a gig at the Palace Hotel Buxton (Tim’s home town) and the Minerva Theatre, Chichester.

Series 26 in 1995 was the first series recorded entirely outside London.

Further nerdy information can be found on a variety of websites, eg:
ISIHAC info site
The Officially Unofficial ISIHAC Web Pages
British Comedy – ISIHAC

Tim: Not a good start, but I honestly don’t remember when we started. It’s only recently that we have started to charge for seats so we can afford to spread our wings round the country. Originally we just wanted to go to places to make fun of them

Graeme: Some of us will have travelled the night before, others may arrive on the day. We meet at noon in the hotel, and retire to a Conference Room where we have a light buffet lunch and start talking through the show. The Producer Jon Naismith goes over the schedule round by round so everyone knows what games are to be played, and we sort out the musical rounds – eg One Song to the Tune of Another – just to make sure the teams know the tunes! After tea we split up into teams to discuss and prepare rounds like Sound Charades, which of course we keep secret from the others until the show. At about 6pm we get cabs to the theatre where we have time for a quick sound check, and a run at the tunes with Colin Sell to make sure they are in the right keys for us. We clear off the stage by 7, just before the audience start coming in, and hang around backstage in the dressing rooms until we hear Naismith go on and start his warm-up to the audience. While he goes through his familiar routine, we either have a nap or a short walk, or spend a restful hour or two in a nearby library or cinema. Then, when at last he’s finished, we’re on!

After the show we have a breather in the dressing rooms, then out to sign autographs and chat with the folk at the stage door. After that we usually go back to the hotel or a restaurant nearby for a meal before retiring for the night.

Tim: We usually arrive the night before – basically to have a good meal and a general natter.

We all meet up on the afternoon of the recording to chat through the various rounds to make sure we all understand what we’re doing! Previously we’d start a round only to discover that we all had a different idea as to how it would work. It wasn’t good to have a round where we were, basically, bickering about the rules. Humph is brilliant , but he’s not one of nature’s referees.

Graeme: Humph, the teams and Colin Sell, of course; Jon Naismith the Producer who has a Programme Assistant and our brilliant sound engineers, usually two of them. Humph’s manager Susan da Costa and Iain Pattinson the writer are usually there for the recordings too. (We mustn’t forget Samantha and her entourage of course.) Those are the people we bring to the show, the stage crew and front-of-house staff etc are provided by the theatre.

Tim: The cast, obviously. Jon Naismith the producer. Iain Pattinson Humph’s writer and genius comedy mind. John’s PA. 2 recording experts. We also rely on the theatres’ backstage crews for lighting and general stage management. Front of house ushers, bar persons. And most important of all, the audience.

Graeme: As far as I know we don’t get many complaints. After all, there is almost no bad language or explicit comment in the shows. And as you point out, if anyone finds a rude meaning in our innocent material, we can always accuse them of having a filthy mind! Jon Naismith deals with any objections that are made, so the rest of us don’t tend to hear about them, and the very few we do get tend to be about non-PC remarks or matters of taste.

Tim: We don’t do filthy – we just pull it out and hope the audience are satisfied.

Graeme: We only have time for a quick run at it to make sure we can hit the notes.

Tim: Once with Colin – Jon checks that we know the tunes (sort of). Jeremy doesn’t need to rehearse – he’s a natural.

Graeme: No, but we pretend we do just to humour him.

Tim: No, do you?

Graeme: I was looking for a musical round using instruments that were easy to get a sound out of, but difficult to play beautifully. The kazoo always sounds daft, and the Swanee whistle is almost impossible to play a recognisable tune on. They are very distinctive too, so on radio you can easily tell them apart. The voices of Barry and Willie were very suited to the kazoo, so Tim and I ended up on the Swanees.

Tim: I and Graeme used to play the swannee whistle occasionally on ISIRTA so we grabbed the chance. If you think it was a good idea, then it was me who thought of it.

Graeme: The easiest would be a song with a firm natural rhythm and an easy tune. However the ideal one would be a song that is so tricky it would be impossible to come back in on the beat – the audience would love to see us humiliated by that!

Tim: One that doesn’t require extra surgery for the high notes.

Graeme: All the team members discuss possible guests with the producer, but Tim has the ultimate say, as he has to work with the guest on his team. As we only have six recording days in a year and therefore room for 6 guests, we find there are now too many super guests we would love to come back, but we can’t fit them in to our schedule, and new guests are always more than welcome too. So there’s a very long list of people we would like to invite or invite back.

Tim: I suggest people I’d like to take part and Jon always runs suggestions by me. If I’m not keen then the guest doesn’t appear. I’m keen that Sean Lock is a guest sometime, but he always seems to be working.

I’m also pushing for Sue Perkins.

Graeme: I find it impossible to narrow my wish list down to one – and it wouldn’t be very diplomatic to try!

Tim: Assuming I can pick from the past then Willie Rushton would be top of the list followed closely by Peter Cook. I reckon Hugh Lawrie would be pretty useful. The guests I really like are the ones who don’t think they’re worthy – Jack Dee is a classic example and of course he was more than worthy.

Graeme: Samantha has been giving us a hand for longer than it would be gallant to say. Our producer at the time spotted her while working behind the bar at the BBC Club (he often served there in between Producing jobs). She came in one night and ordered a Double Entendre, so he gave her one. Later he made her an offer and after thinking about it long and hard she took up the position.

Tim: I think we all discovered Samantha on the same evening – gosh she was a busy girl.

Graeme: To be honest, she can be a bit of a minx!

Tim: She’s every bloke’s dream girl – though normally I don’t go for breasts that big.

Graeme: Tim can tell you, but I believe they are on permanent loan to the Museum of Mankind.

Tim: Sadly not, but if anyone sees them please claim them back on my behalf.

Graeme: Bill wrote the short shorts. On the recording day I was a little startled at how short they were, especially when the Costume Designer ordered his assistant to shorten them even further, and she took them up an inch while I was wearing them.

Tim: Graeme insisted because I said I had the best legs (which I have)

Graeme: Your implication that it might have been masochism is probably right. But although it wasn’t as popular then as it became later, we kind of knew we were doing something different and unique, and it was quite exciting – like bungee-jumping for radio.

Tim: There certainly was panic in the room, especially when we had to ad lib our way through poems. I can still hear myself squeaking in agony when the rhyme and metre, never mind the jokes, wouldn’t come. It certainly wasn’t the money that made us return; maybe we thought if we didn’t return then someone like Rolf Harris might slip into our chairs.

Graeme: Longevity plays a part. Having been around for so long its popularity has grown over the years as our minority audience grew and grew. So we have to thank the BBC for sticking with it through thick and thin – it paid off in the end!

Tim: I hardly dare answer this. Certainly one reason is the fact that we’re obviously working as a team and not, as in some shows, just trying to win. Humph is obviously a huge factor – all of us, including our audience, would follow him to the ends of the Earth. But above all, perhaps it’s just silly and rude.

Graeme: Humph was already an established broadcaster with his jazz programmes and he is on record as saying that he always said yes to requests to do pilots, as they were rarely picked up and broadcast. I think he was as shocked as the rest of us when the first series of Clue was commissioned.

Tim: Basically we sent the boys round. That didn’t work, so we sent the girls instead

Graeme: Humph deals with proceedings with a lofty disdain and gives a wonderfully detached schoolmasterly performance. Baz brings a great enthusiasm and an archive of comedy material plus a great laugh. Tim is liable to endearing panic peppered with inspired gags and character voices. I fill in the gaps. And the great Willie Rushton’s off the wall eccentricity has been replaced over the years by a rotating guest list of brilliant comedians.

Tim: I do think this, and when we get guests they change the quality and breadth of the show, which is good. I think we’ve all evolved a bit. I know I’ve changed. I used to be the scared, ‘playing for sympathy one’, but that’s more in the background waiting to be called on if absolutely necessary – and sometimes it is absolutely necessary.

Graeme: Ad-lib poem used to be a nightmare and the results were hit and miss to put it mildly. We don’t do it any more. I have a soft spot for Sound Charades when we get to do Hamish and Dougal – partly because it annoys Tim. The singing rounds are fun, especially when we can sit back and listen to Jeremy Hardy. It was wonderful at the Manchester Opera House to hear Jez get an ovation worthy of Pavarotti.

Tim: My favourite round now is Chicken Cross Road – the audience know it’s truly ad lib and if one’s in trouble that’s funny, and if one is cruising then it’s unusual.

I dread the rounds where we have to give a funny answer to a question given by Humph – it’s slow and a comedy death (we never really know what’s going to get a laugh or not) is all the more painful.

Graeme: Naismith spends hours working out the songs that will work, with occasional suggestions from Colin Sell.

Tim: I’ve no idea, but I’m sure Graeme will claim it.

Graeme: The best giggler is Sandi Toksvig, closely followed by Humph! When they both go at the same time it can take up to fifteen minutes to calm them down again.

Tim: Humph, me and Jeremy

Graeme: Not that I can recall. However, many rounds couldn’t be used because the audience were laughing too little.

Tim: There was a time when Humph and I got terrific giggles. I eventually stopped, but he went on setting me off again. I think our producer left in half the giggles which were more than enough.

Graeme: Yes, but I’m naming no names.

Tim: Yes, but I’m not saying who. Though he’d certainly have difficulty saying ‘round the ragged rocks the ragged rascal ran’.

Graeme: No, I wasn’t aware of such a thing. What are the precise rules?

Tim: No – I’d want my clothes back first.

Graeme: He’s not been booked, but has the habit of popping up when least expected.

Tim: He’s more likely to be around when there’s a female guest. It’s our way of getting them on the show.

Graeme: I’ve never heard him comment on it. But being a shrewd chap he probably appreciates the exposure.

Tim: I daren’t ask.

Graeme: Women don’t chat up men. Do they…?

Tim: Any chance of a hug?

Graeme: In March 1973 we were due to do a recording at the Playhouse Theatre when London suffered an IRA bomb attack. Just before we arrived, a bomb went off round the corner in Scotland Yard, and as we walked to the theatre we saw the streets were covered in broken glass. The area was sealed off and we decided to cancel the show. I noticed a large suitcase in the foyer, and we all wondered where it came from. The BBC doorman said “That’s all right, it belongs to a foreign lady and I’m keeping an eye on it for her.” We fled. After jogging for miles we found a taxi. “Where to?” said the driver. We replied “To the country!”

Tim: Still my favourite moment was me giving Humph a hard time in a show in Plymouth. He suddenly snapped – I’m 78 for Christ’s sake.

You can probably work out how long ago that was.

Graeme: It didn’t take us long to decide to hit the road again –and the dates have already been announced!

Tim: Thank you for asking that question. Is it from our PR department?

We had such a good time on the last tour – I swear Humph shed 70 years, which now means he can’t drink alcohol poor boy. Dates for next year, hopefully, have now been announced.

Graeme: We knew the radio recordings sold out quickly, but we weren’t sure if a stage show, which involved people sitting at desks would sell as well with a higher ticket price. We were relieved and delighted when the theatres were full and the audiences seemed happy with what we had to offer!

Tim: We prayed that they would sell out as quickly as the broadcasts, and were knocked out at the rush for tickets. The test then was to supply a show that worked. We tinkered with it throughout the tour and that, I think, was a good idea and helped the show.

Graeme: It was very pleasant not having to think up new material for every show. However we avoided getting stale by trying out new lines unexpectedly and the bits we did have to make up as we went along, eg 84 Chicken Cross Road, kept us on our toes.

Tim: What was particularly good was that, though we changed the show nightly, we knew there were certain moments that would always work. Sometimes with the recordings we have that dread feeling that this could be the day when the audience finally wakes up to the fact that we’re just being really silly and not remotely funny.

Funnily enough the most enjoyable moments for me were when Jeremy and I were wriggling about trying to make the genuinely ad libbed ‘Chicken Cross Road’ sort of work.

Not many negatives, though hotel living is not my kind of fun.

Graeme: Yes. We have a sound recording and it would make sense to capture the show on video too. However we wouldn’t want to release anything commercially until we’ve got the most out of the touring stage show.

Tim: I suppose it’s a possibility, but we wouldn’t do it until we’d decided that we were never going to tour again.

Graeme: We’ve all worked and travelled together for so long I don’t think there is much left to learn.

Tim: The best thing we learned was that the show definitely appeals to a wide group of people. I also learned how incredibly kind and thoughtful Jeremy is. But please don’t tell him.

Graeme: No – there are certain things like standing at the mike to sing and using the sound effects table that we want to keep just for the stage show.

Tim: I found that trying out New Definitions on tour was exceptionally useful. Every night I chickened out of ‘Country – a bit like George Galloway’, but because of an unexpected feed at Manchester I was able to pick it out of the air. Though whether it gets into the final edit or not, I don’t know.

Graeme: We do resurrect from time to time, but usually give the old round a new twist and/or name! There are probably several rounds we should bring back, but as we’ve played over 300 different rounds on the show, it would be hard work going through them all. Any suggestions for return rounds?

Tim: Not that I can think of. Are there any you’d like? I love Late Arrivals, as does Barry, but Jon and Graeme have to be fought to include it.

Graeme: It’s not really up to me to envisage it! I’d like to think of it going on and on as long as there people prepared to play it and others prepared to listen!

Tim: Wash your mouth out

Graeme: I didn’t see her, but Samantha claims she glimpsed her in Tunbridge Wells.

Tim: I expect so but she, wisely, always appears in disguise. Last time, I believe, as a Minx.

Graeme: There was a lot of fun to be had. I think I noted some of the amusing moments in the little tour diary I posted – I’d have to go there to look them up!

Tim: Gosh yes, but Graeme pinched them all for his diary.